Dear John

You have no idea how happy I am that you are refusing to talk to me. Like, really. I'm happy you found yourself a date, surprised, but it means you won't ask me (I was only able to come up with one excuse). Really. I sincerely never want to talk to you again. I'm kind of contemplating deleting our mutual friends on facebook so you don't stalk me through them (*cough* again), but I approve of them on their own merit. Though my appraisal of one has been diminished somewhatbecause of the last facebook interaction, but I kind of blame you for that. Oh, facebook. No, really, I don't want to stalk you. I'm fine not knowing what you're doing. You can stay blocked. And yeah, there's a reason I blocked you on im, too. I don't actually care if I talk to you. I mean, yeah, I think it's nice if ex's can talk to each other and be civil to each other.
But I really don't appreciate that you insinuate that I'm in love with you. Because, really? No. And it was annoying that you hinted that you loved me after I broke up with you. Because come. On. If things are over, they should stay over. And if my reason for getting back together was to be 'to make you stop bothering me about it,' it's really probably not meant to be. Not that I know what's meant to be and everything. But. If something ends, it's ususally for a reason.
So. You wanted a list. Not that you'll ever see this. But if you do, maybe you'll realize that it's for you.
Aren't 'dear john' letters great?
1) You're passive aggressive. Like saying "maybe you'll think of somebody" to end the conversation about how you didn't even want to go to the formal dinner but your mum wants you to go and so you have to find a date. Hi, I don't want to go. And I don't really care if you go.
2) Your "subtle" comments on how you found a date. I don't care. Remember how I've been telling you to find another girl for, what, eight months now? I don't actually know, because I'm not keeping track.
3) The way you tried to get me to say I missed you/wanted it to really work out/lets do something when I'm home on break.
4) The fact that you continued to talk to me after I tried three times to be like "yo. movie watching. FULL SCREEN."
5) The fact that you had a mutual friend im me to tell me you think I'm a bitch now (especially because it's since I blocked you so I could freaking watch my movie. Yes, I could have just ignored you. But I'm really bad at ignoring people.) Seriously? I'm pretty sure you still have (or at least had at that point) my phone number. Call someone in person.
6) No, I don't really care about our friendship. I honestly don't think we ever had one to begin with. And yes, it's nice if ex's can be friends. But. Tried that. See number 3.
7) The way I want to talk to you. That's probably not your fault, but I'm adding it onto this list anyway, because it's related. See, I'm full of myself. I accept that. But it means that when somebody says they'll love me forever, I expect it to be true. Even after we've broken up. It has worked in three other cases (because I really am that awesome). But then again, I was friends with them before dating them. But anyway back to number seven. So. You never said you loved me (near the end there I was kind of expecting it and rather dreading it, so thanks at least for that). But the emo-y status' (stati?) after? Love lost and all that? Pretty sure it wasn't.
Wait. Back to number seven. I expect people to want to talk to me. At least the people I want to talk to. And I usually want to talk to everybody. But I don't want to start conversations. So yeah, I'm one of those people who puts thing as the im status that is a good conversation starter. It works for me. And every single time you've been on (as far as I know. I didn't really always scroll down to see if you were on), you commented. Makes me more full of myself. But. I always feel like talking more to the people who talk to me. So therefore I wanted to talk to you. Maybe this isn't logical seeing as how I've kind of disliked you since August for being a w.b. and everything. But whatever. Works in my world. Usually.
8) You called me a bitch. Normally, I dislike swears. I try to avoid them, because I see them as pointless and think that there are always other, better words. But I kind of get the feeling that you were trying to piss me off by calling me a bitch. Which just annoys me. Like, the word doesn't bother me. I usually just look at people until they attempt to find a different word in their vocabulary or just, you know, do without. But this is a different case. First off, you can't really glare at people over im, especially when they do it through other people. Second, you wanted a reaction so of course, I try to do none. I hate it when people try to piss me off. It's fine when they're doing it jokingly. But to be serious about it? I don't get the point. So it's annoying. But sorry, I'm not ticked about it. Or maybe I am. I haven't been honestly angry in several months, so maybe this is what it's like now?
Whatevs.
Peace.

(His im through the other girl? "tell her to stop being a bitch, and if she doesnt want to talk to me tell me already cause i will stop cause im tired of dealing with her and this nonsense"
Dude.
I'm the one who precipitated this whole breakup thing. I gave up on you in August and blocked you on im and Facebook. you made a new account to im me (September) asking me why and can't we talk and I was like "sure. fine. whatever." I believe part of that conversation went something like "I just want to feel like I can say 'hi'." ... So. If what I'm doing qualifies me as a bitch, I'm fine being one. I actually don't care what you think about me. Back in August you told me to 'have a nice life'. I decided that the best life I could have didn't involve you. Then you wanted to talk to me anyway.
So here goes *sarcastically deep breath* "I don't want to talk to you. Seriously."

Sorry anybody reading this, seeing as you're probably not the Dear John the letter is for.
You probably don't care.
But I really just wanted to write this out. And, you know, post it somewhere he might eventually run across it. Not that he reads blogs because, you know, he doesn't think he's a nerd like me.
(#9. Calling me things I don't call myself. It's fine to agree with me when I insult myself. But making up new ones? Not cool)


I hope the rest of my posts are witty enough to make up for this one. I feel like this one isn't very funny or amusing or anything. Unless you can relate?